The Faceless Baby

Since starting this whole fertility experience, I've had tons of dreams of being a Mom and having babies and all. Well everytime I dream of my baby, his/her face is always blurry. It's like I can never tell what he/she looks like. Most of my dreams are of girls.. but that doesn't mean I really have a preference.. either or both is fine with me.

A few nights ago I had this really crazy dream.. I mean it didn't even seem real. I went to the emergency room because I was really sick on my stomach and I told the registration lady that I think I may be having a serious problem. [I've been watching too much "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC.. love that show!]

So I was sitting in the lobby waiting to be called back and the next thing I know.. my pain just all of a sudden went away and right then, a nurse called me back. I went back and she took me to the nursery and looking through the glass she said.. "There she is.. there's your baby girl."

It was so weird, I remember thinking inside my dream.. "This has got to be a dream.. I didn't even have a baby.. this is not real."

Anyway, so I remember that this baby girl had a face. She had Bryan's lips, my eyes, a small nose and a head full of dark hair.. she was perfect! It was so cool because for the first time, I got to see this baby that I've been dreaming of.

I wish I could just talk to someone who interprets dreams or something because I just want to know all of the answers. Like, is the reason that I didn't deliver this baby in my dream a sign that I won't be able to do that and I will adopt a baby? And does this baby girl, who looks like Bryan and I, symbolize the baby that we will one day have and her looks are those on the inside as Bryan and I will raise and teach this baby? Is the reason for all the pain until the nurse called me back a way of saying.. "You may be hurting now or questioning Me now, but when all is said and done.. you will forever be grateful of the miracle I have blessed you with and in your eyes sheer perfection."

Of course, I woke up with tears, but so grateful for this whole experience that God has blessed us with. Even though I'm not pregnant yet, I know that He has a great plan in store for us and I'm so excited to learn and grow and just live this life He has for me.

In other news, as I'm wiping my eyes.. I spoke to Mrs. Terri [my fertility specialist] yesterday and just about everything is lined up to start treatment and monitoring for July 1st. Testing that has to be done before then is like one thing after another.. but we will get there. She's already getting together a calendar for us for when to wear and change my patch, when I should have a cycle, intercourse, etc. Anyway.. that's all for now, updates as we get them!