Did someone move the pond?

So I hit a frustrating "bump in the road" today. It seems like everytime I try to get things together, something goes wrong. I'm not going to go into all of the hurdles we've jumped so far, but today.. a new one was before me.

I contacted my fertility specialist, Mrs. Terri, just to touch base on things today since I haven't talked to her in about a month or so. See, she's allowing me to pay off my bill up there in installments.. which is extremely nice of her. Well, then I found out that I owe a little more than I thought due to the insurance adjustments and copay and all.

So call me dumb, but I didn't know about what they call, "Monthly Monitoring." See the last day of my birth control patch is supposed to be June 19th. Mrs. Terri has already given me the Rx for the Clomid [fertility pill] and I thought that since I finish the patch on 6/19, I just start the Clomid. One of the reasons for my call was to see if I have to wait a week or I just take it the next day on the 20th or what.

Well apparently, I have it all wrong. Before I start the Clomid, I need to go back in and see her once more and my bill must be paid up completely by that time. They will then put me on "the cycle" and "Monthly Monitoring." What I didn't know until today was that this monthly monitoring cost is.. oh let's say.. $500/month!! And on top of that charge that was introduced to me today, monthly monitoring has to be paid up front. So basically, I'm looking at the amount left on my bill and $500 monthly montoring that has to be paid by June.

Needless to say, I totally stressed out today. Bryan has been completely supportive and comforting through everything thing that has come our way and making me feel so much better about moving forward. I mean, with all of my heart I want to move forward, but when I get extremely overwhelmed with bills and money and health issues, I start to get really negative and think, "Oh great, I'm never going to have a baby." That's not a "quality" that I love about myself, but it's the truth.

After some thought, one more hurdle means one more moment of strength and well worth the reward.

The Positives:

*Monthly monitoring will cover all of my visits and ultrasounds and will already be paid, when paid upfront for that month.

*Monthly monitoring will help manage and determine if I've produced too many follicles [multiple births] and manage the pregnancy of a healthy baby/babies.

*My husband. He has been the best support system for every tear and moment of frustration that I've had. I totally love him in a new way and I feel like this process has made us stronger.. besides, we're in this together.

*The more "bumps in the road" that we have, the stronger and more patient we are becoming, which are great qualities to have as a parent. I feel like God is only preparing us and although stressful at times, He knows what He's doing and what's meant to be will be. God's timing may not be what I want, but His timing will be the best.

Something funny to laugh about, I was venting to a coworker today when I said, "Linda, I just feel like everytime I get my ducks in a row.." and she cut me off and said "..someone keeps moving the pond don't they." I thought it was hilarious and it immediately put me in a better mood.