..Until treatment. People have asked, "So how do you feel?" And it so much depends on the minute you ask me.
I'm definitely excited. I just think about the fact that within the next month, I could possibly be a mother.
I'm questionable. Although the last year of my life has been spent doing much research, I'm still jotting down questions as they come to ask the doctor on Wednesday things I'm not sure about.
- During treatment with Clomid, do I need to steer clear of KitKat's litter box?
- Are their certain foods that I should definitely not be eating that are dangerous or can hinder a pregnancy?
- Are their certain things that I should/should not be doing to increase our chances of becoming pregnant?
- What is the percentage of this working in the first month?
- Also, do certain intercourse positions work better than others? :) So I've heard.
See a few weeks before we got married, I had a D & C, which makes most women extremely fertile afterwards. However, it didn't even cross my mind that we would get pregnanct. On our honeymoon to Tennessee, we rode a lot of rides at Dollywood, did a lot of go-kart racing, rock climbing, etc and when we got home I had that positive digital pregnancy test. Every pregnancy symptom that I experienced in Tennessee, I had a reason for.
Swolen breats, but they didn't hurt: Just gained a few pounds from eating on the trip.
Constipation: We were in the mountains and my body just wasn't as comfortable as at home.
Craving for pumpkin pie: It was just close to that time of year for more.
A few people had asked was I pregnant, but I just took a test to be on the safe side and not really thinking that I was.. and it said "Pregnant." Shortly after the home pregnancy test, the blood test was negative. So I just question.. was I really pregnant the whole time and didn't know it or was I just one person that had a false positive, which doesn't exist? Did I kill my baby from the things that we were doing? I just don't want to take anymore chances. I'm scared to death that this won't work.
Also, a lot of Clomid's side effects are those of pregnancy. So I'm trying to prepare myself to not get my hopes up if I'm "feeling pregnant." What normal person would feel nauseous and be happy about it? That would be me. :)
I'm already starting to feel motherly. I'm trying not to take much medicine whether it be for a headache or whatever. I'm trying to get used to sleeping on my left side. To my Mama friends, is it true that sleeping on your left side is better for the baby?
I'm feeling much closer to God. He has truly blessed us and I realize that. I also know that He has a plan for us. Whether this be a test to become better people or a trial to appreciate family.. I'm not sure, but I really thank Him for the experience, regardless of the outcome. We are extremely blessed to even be able to have treatment as an option, since most people cannot afford to even try.
I'm really just trying to relax. I know that if I'm stressed out too much, then my body will not allow a pregnancy to exist. I'm praying for a calm mind, a relief of stress and a positive outlook regardless of the results.
Thank you again for reading and praying with us. It means way more than you know.
Tomorrow is the "big day." It has been long waited for. It has been anticipated and thought about endlessly. It has made me cry, smile and pray. It is possibly the beginning of a new life.. possibly the beginning of my dreams coming true.
